.Monday, October 02, 2006 ' 2:35 PM Y
..It was a weekend of Ups and Downs for me. However, this weekend was an exceptionally long one for me. Y would I say that, it is because my weekened started since Thursday.
A friend whom I haven seen for almost 1 year asked if I was interested to go chilling. I was like, hrmz… ok sounds good to me. We had a hard time deciding where to go, but at last, Bar None was still the ultimate choice. Juz simply love the resident band there. I finally got my very own glass of lychee martini plus 2 glasses of Kahlua Milk. It was supposed to be a short event, ended up we stayed till ard 1am cuz the music was simply too addictive. 
Up – It was literally UP and above. Beyond words....
Before this, Justina Darl did smtg which I was reli reli touched, I dint have lunch becuz i was waiting for an urgent phone call. She got me this huge Tuna Sandwich and it tasted really good cuz i was FAMISHED!! Thanks Darl! 
Also went for Mei’s Surprise BBQ. There are sooo many celebrations in the month of October. Birthdays, Weddings… Pheww… im glad its all happy occasions but its going to burn a huge hole in my little pocket. However, it is for a good cause so its worth it. 
Down – Sighh… only a few pple knew what happened and y I had to return to JB over the weekend. However, im glad that things are stabilized now or else all my weekend plans would have been ruined.
I got into a disagreement with a friend. Y do I feel tat im so misunderstood at times. I tot that you were one of the few who understood me the most. Im wrong.. so wrong… Now that I realized that you dont understand me a single bit at all. I realized that we are like strangers at a cross junction, not knowing the real self. Stop reprimanding me, will you?! I have apologized what else you want me to do? You keep asking me to do the impossible and you jolly well know that. If you tried to say it to me in a nicer way, probably I would feel it and see it in your way. Sometimes I really get confused by your actions, what do you regard me as? If you really think that im not worth your friendship and that I keep taking it for granted, then stop everything you are doing. Y do you say one thing and do another? You think its fair to me? You think I dont want to lead a stable life? You think im ruining myself? Y judge me based on what I do instead of asking y I do such things?
This was what he wrote to me ,You are doing it of cos you wont feel it. If you dun cherish me even as a friend den tell me. You treat your other friends better lor... talking to me is like a chore. Ask you something reply 2 words. That is why you always feel interrogated by me cos there is no 2 way communication. Always im the one asking. Think you dun even care about my life and death. Ask you got problem tell me.. Den give me attitude. Say tell me also no use. Is this they way you respect people? Or only to me den like that? You go meditate and straighten out your thoughts, You are in a mess now!
Is there really no one out there whom is willing to sacrifice time and understand the real me? You think I dun want to have a smooth sailing life? You think I wont want to have someone that I can depend on? Am i really in a mess? Someone who can always be there when needed. Just being there with strong shoulders for me to lean on. Going in with me to JB to have a simple meal with my family members. There is really no one out there who is willing to give up such time anymore. U think being lonely is nice?! Who r u to scold me? WHO ARE U TO SCOLD ME?!!!!! I do not deserve such treatment from you either… I did not do anything wrong to you too. All I am is hoping that people around me are happy but yet it is impossible to please everyone. But who will take the role of me and make me happy?? It is really really very hard
for me, to be away from home, to handle work, studies, social , everything! Im trying so hard to fight for my own survival in this world. Using only a wooden plank as my life support and now you want to take this wooden plank away from me. I wont expect you to understand my situation for everybody has their own problems to handle. So that y im trying to swallow back every single problems I have in turn to help others. Pls dont just see the surface of me, im actually trapped inside.
If you reli turn back and look at me, just for one glance, all I ask for is just more understanding and if possible dont question my wrong doings….
*tears*
