It's AGAPE Love..;

.Wednesday, October 25, 2006 ' 11:58 PM Y

Attended Darren-s wedding yesterday. Wedding dinners is a Love-Hate Affair. Y would I say that? It is not that I Hate weddings, in fact I Love weddings. Witnessing the blissfulness the couple has. They had a few slideshows and it was extremely touching. I could feel a tear forming up but I controlled it. Especially when they showed the part on his proposal to his wife, it just makes everyone goes… awwwwwwwwww……Its just makes anyone go soft and cant help but to feel happy for the couple. Saw their travelling shots, thatz smtg which I envy so much… traveling with your love one. Seeing the world, just with that special one…

Here comes the Hate part. When is MY turn?!! Lol… ok la.. at least my MFS (Marriage Fever Syndrome) not as bad as Justina Darl… Hers is contagious stage, mine ah.. long lor.. but hopefully … hopefully nia… kekeke… I had to put extra buffer on my ideal marriage age. Initially was 24 then I pushed to 26, mayb I may need to push back even more. Haiyo, by that time skali I Lao Za Bor already then No one wants le.. Then muz lelong half price le. Y is a woman-s youth so limited? So unfair….

After the wedding dinner, we walked to the lift to the hotel lobby. I tot we were going to the carpark but SUDDENLY I was blind folded! Captured ! Kidnapped! I was brought to a place unfamiliar I know that I was brought to the wrong place initially and I hit onto one of the steps. Ouch. I was asked to sit on this soft bench and some commotion was going outside but I could not see a thing. Then BS came beside me and tell me that he is the Male Dancer for the Night. Gee. I did not know it was BS, I did not know my poly friends were there too. When I took down the mask, I saw so many pple….. I was shocked! Cuz I did not expect smtg like this to happen. Initially, Mei came over to my place earlier in the day but I was out for Bfast or else that would have been another surprise. Mei and Justina Darls made me this huge giant Garfy card and its so lovely and ONLY I have it. Lol… to all Garfy Lovers : Neh ni Neh Ni Boo boo!

Thou I wished that I had more time with them but im glad that this happened or else I was about to go home after the wedding dinner and listen to Landy-s Wish Myself Happy Birthday. For those who are new to y this song. When I was attached, I had a premonition that I will be linked closely to this song and true enuf, it did! I remember I used to listen to this song in his car. Sometimes I am really scared of my sixth sense as its always has truth hidden somewhere. Ok enuf of him, most importantly is that even if I were to shed tears it is tears of joy. Below is a short clip on my Trick Candle Blowing Experience... Cant really see my face but can listen to the laughter behind.. Enjoy...

Thanks Mei, Ling, Justina and to all those who attend the surprise party. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart… love u gals!

loved

.Monday, October 23, 2006 ' 3:00 PM Y

Its my BDAY week! Alrite, I am not supposed to be here in SG but then again I can live with that thought.
Went to Sentosa on Friday evening to celebrate Sueh-s Bday. Had dinner at Sakae Sushi and went KM8 shortly after. It was a nice outing despite the humid weather.
W came to pick me up but on a condition that I accompanied him to see some displays of cars happening at Seletar Dam. He is on a work assignment! Went Jln Kayu for some prata and then headed home. It was almost 5am and I had to wake up early the next day to fetch my dad to the ferry terminal.

Dad was going to Batam during the day. So I had the car for the day. Met Peng for Bfast and went Vivocity! Spent the day exploring this newest and hippest place in town. Ok I was like a little girl when I jumped into the pool and started playing with water. Y is it that I never change. Since young, whenever I see a pool of water I would just wanna jump in and play.. Dad was returning to SG ard 3plus. Thus Peng accompanied me to wait for my dad to arrive.

Dad came home ard 830, went for dinner at a Japanese Restaurant, Kaisen @ Raffles Hotel. Bryan came out specially to join us. It was a damn ex dinner lor.. total Bill SGD279.00 . I almost fainted. Went to Long Bar after that, they had a live band but still I preferred Bar None. Ok I gotta admit that I had a little too much to drink that day. I had Sake followed by Inniskillin!! I wish there was some rNb and prob I would be dancing away.

loved

.Thursday, October 19, 2006 ' 1:44 PM Y

THIS ENTRY IS AS PROMISED FOR MR W. C.M.R.

Say dun read my blog cuz I dint write about you *bleah*. Ala.. nor.. I write liao hor…

THE ART OF EATING THE GELARE WAFFLE !!!!!!

Ok this man has just taught me the ultimate way of eating THE Gelare Ice Cream waffle! ONE OF ITS KIND! Made me had one of the sinfulness dessert! Not to mention, Whipped Cream, Maple Syrup, Vanilla Bean Ice Cream and of cuz the crispy Waffle!

Step 1 : Separate all Sweet Stuffs from the Waffle (Make sure NOTHING is on the waffle)

Step 2 : Pour the desired amount of Maple Syrup into one of the squares of the waffle. Cut out that particular square and smear Lotsa Ice cream on it.

Step 3 : Take a Deep Breath

Step 4 : Plunge in that sinful square of waffle into your mouth…(note : The mmmmmmmm sound is a MUST do!!)

This experience is the first becuz usually waffles gets soggy by the time I eat it. However, the trick is to separate the maple syrup. It is the maple syrup that makes the waffle soggy even before you can enjoy it. By separating it, you get to enjoy the crispness of the waffle!

Thanks for that trick and I will bear that in mind…

loved

.Wednesday, October 18, 2006 ' 4:59 PM Y

This is a Freaking Bad Year!!! One case not settled another case will arise and im not just referring to small trival cases but those really huge ones. I can only pray that things will not be punished severely for what it deemed to be. Things which we thought only existed in dramas actually happen in real life! I really cant believe it!

Words cant explain how complicated things can get. The MOST unbelievable events just happen overnight. It is going to take almost a lifetime to heal if the worst do take place. However, what should we as people closest to them do? We may be helpless, there is little we can do to reverse what has already happened but that does not mean we get all dejected and give up on the battle. If we give up, imagine how would the victim feel? It would hit them worst than how it hit us. We should instead stand even stronger and continue to encourage and be their pillar of support. Moral support is also support. Little things we do will go a long way. Thus every help will be help to them.

I am trying to help too but there is a limit which I can go. I dunno when I will use up my energy but hopefully when that happens, I just wish to be left in a dark alley….

Had a few hiccups during work today. SHE came to my place asking about some issues which has to be handled when im on leave. SHE went, so how. So How your head la. SO you asking me to bloody dun take my exam leave ah? Pls G.A.L!! I will not jeopardize my study time just for that issue. Then again, to me, her barking has already lost its effect on me. I no longer care about what she barks at.

loved

.Tuesday, October 17, 2006 ' 4:43 PM Y

Finally I got a piece of good news which I have been waited for months!! My results were finally released yesterday and I cleared all with grades that I could not ask for more. When Ferline read my grades to me, I was totally in a shock! I froze in space for a moment not believing that I cleared.
It took me about 5 minutes to realize what had happened. Suddenly, tears started to form at the edge of my eyes. I was overjoyed. My efforts and sacrifices paid off. I had survived one of my life-s darkest hours. I can still remember that I was scolding myself in the mirror telling myself to buck up and not be sad, putting other things aside except to focus on my studies. I took a whole lot to concentrate and force myself to study at the National Library from morning till night. I could not study at home because if I did that, my nonsense will start again. I remember that once I broke down because the stress was just getting up my nerves. However, I was not going to give up on my studies for someone who did not support me, someone who could not give me the support I needed when I needed it the most. All I got was juz me, myself and I. At those times, all I wanted was a hug telling me to keep going. Be strong! Most importantly, this has given me hope for me to strive even better for myself. Prove that I did not make the wrong decision.

I made it through the first stage of my crucial year and there are more to come. There are tougher challenges yet to come. The F.T IS correct, she says that I should do fine if I am not attached during my period of studying. OK, you may think its some baloney that im sprouting but its true! When I was attached, i failed one of my double credit paper, in the end, I had to drop it. Now that Im not, I passed everything. I dunno whether it is an indication to me? Sometimes, I wished I did not believe in such things but who am I kidding. Im such a horoscope person! Nothing can stop me from believing such things. Even when I did a compatibility test on the horoscopes, the results were so accurate. Problems which I had encountered in the past were all written inside there. Of cuz, there are the good ones too. You may say tat the future lies in our hands, it is up to us to make things work. Yes true! But somehow horoscopes are like an invisible hand which makes us understand your partner better. I was reading the SHOULD and SHOULD NOT dos to a Scorpio and it really applies for me.

loved

.Sunday, October 15, 2006 ' 10:30 PM Y

Venue was Phuture!
It was a crazy Saturday! Words alone aint able to descibe how crazy it went. Told Mei that I will bring them to Bar None next time! But when but when.. looks like it has to be after our exams which will be in Dec already. Cant wait till then!!

Saturday - I learnt a news which I wished it never happened. I was in middle of class when i learnt it. Terrible, I felt really lost. Something which happened to someone so dear to me... Now we can only wait till Oct 27 when the case is being re opened again...
He felt that I was not my usual self, he sensed that smtg was amiss with me. He rushed down to check if I was ok. Touched is the word. I was happy to see him too. I had a few things to settle in regards to the case. I met my brother at home to pack up some stuffs. Thou I took a long time, he still waited patiently and acc me down to meet my friends. Thanks.

This song was played to me. It is one of the theme songs from the Korean Drama -The Last Dance- I dint watch it but the story how this song played its part was simply too drama. It left an impression or rather a memory to me which I will remember it.
GIVE ME LOVE- LYRICS
When I look in your eyes I can see that you
Want to be with me but you're so scared
And I don't know what to say or do
But the tears keep falling from your eyes
And I know thatTimes won't change my love
And I can't do nothing to keep you

Chorus
Oh, I'll give my love oh when I hold you tight
Give my love through kisses oh so bright
And you know that I can't change my love
Take my love all through the night

As the hours pass away
You think that love ain't here to stay
Feel a beat from your chest
But you don't give doubt a moment's rest
You dream the future and all you see is dark
Listen to your heart, baby, the truth will set sparks

Chorus

loved

.Thursday, October 12, 2006 ' 11:23 AM Y

Giver of this

This is the first bday pressie I received. He said that its been a long time he bought a cuddly soft toy for someone. Then again, was afraid that I would have out grown such things. At last, reaction was HECK CARE la, just get this for me, this version of Garfield is way way too cute…..

To date, I have 3 garfields with me. Ever since I gave all my soft toys to the orphanage I did not really keep any, but I think I will keep these 3 and only these 3 plus another Me to you bear. I like Garfield and 3 is just nice cuz it spells the most lovely words on earth.

GIVER OF THIS

Least expected early wish all the way from Australia!! Thanks for the early wishes! Ok now I feel obligated to send u back a card huh… somemore still write your Aust address, what a big hint! LOL…

MY DINNER DRESS!!

Im dying to wear this out...... on 24th October......

loved

.Wednesday, October 11, 2006 ' 11:29 PM Y

The haze is really gettin on my nerves. Everytime I look out the window, Haze Haze Haze. Its making me really uncomfortable cuz i have got a very sensitive nose. If psi is more than 50, that is it man, my nose will start to run like nobody-s business. My uclers are still buggin me..ARUGHZ!

Kinda feeling bit down, partially due to the pain generating from my mouth, little of weather, little of work, Lots of stress wondering results will be out tmolo. Was having my lecture on Monday and there were news saying that one of modules has 40% failure rate... knowing im one of the bottom few in the class, it is inevitable to be worried.

This week is one of the more tiring week i have. Im hoping by keeping myself busy so that I wont get off track. I think im losing focus again. Shuckz..

loved

. ' 4:57 PM Y

SUZ MAGICWORLD TEST RESULTS

loved

.Tuesday, October 10, 2006 ' 2:36 PM Y

I’ve developed 2 ulcers in my mouth! One on my gum near my molar area and another below my tongue. The pain its making me not eating well as I cant chew my food properly. *suz in agony* feels like im having a swollen mouth.

Yesterday, KT called me out of the blue. We have not been contacting each other for almost a year already. The last I heard from him was recently when he helped me with an issue. After that, we never did contact again. I felt there wasn’t a need too either. However, he called asking if I had friends who are looking for perm admin jobs, probably his business is growing and he is getting a PA for himself. Anyway, I said I did not have any friends looking for a job now. Tot that was the only thing he wanted to ask, shortly when I was abt to hang up, he stopped me, stumbled a little and murmured, “if u dun mind, probably we could meet up for a meal or smtg.” I was taken aback but I tot it would be a good opportunity to return a favour to him. So I graciously replied, “yeah, y not.” Its an answer to get past and over with. Whether he really asks to go out that’s a different issue. *prays he dun ask* kekekke . Told Justina darlz abt it, she screamed and said, “CANNOT! CANNOT! CANNOT!” whawhhwa.. so farnie, but I know y also *wink*

Was talking to Jaime today and it sparked me thinking about how jealous a female Scorpio can get. Thinking back, I am guilty and often defeated by my jealousy. Yes I AM a JEALOUS person but I still try to hide as if it’s nothing at all. That is where I usually put the other party in a lost! I am those who will try to dig out every single info and in turn I use it against myself. Y am I so contradicting? Is it best for me not to know all truths? Scorpios are curious by nature, we want to KNOW IT ALL but once we KIA, we will get all upset, jealous and disappointed over the truth. Who do we have to blame but ourselves? Are we able to handle the truth when we know it?
I take my hat off to whoever can tame a female Scorpio and making her feel secured. I have an entry in my old secret blog abt “Reassurance” and how it can be achieved. DK did it and that’s also y he is getting married this month. *envies* . Just to summarise, never let a problem linger too long. When there is a problem, solve it first before proceeding to the next.

loved

.Sunday, October 08, 2006 ' 10:52 PM Y

It hit me again..... The aftermath of watching K-dramas...

The once again, the feeling of falling head over heels for someone seems to be overwhelming me again. The thought of giving everything out for someone and not thinking of what the consequences will be... I always imagine myself as the leading actress and whenever she cries, I will try to feel how much the hurt is. Y is it that K-dramas have such effect on someone like me?

Listening to My Girl OST when im writting this entry and my heart is once again, feeling empty.

This feeling is always short lived. I will be back to normal after tonite, back to reality. However, I am not giving up. Every person's life is a stage drama and we write our own script. I am in the midst of writting it at this moment.

loved

.Friday, October 06, 2006 ' 3:39 PM Y

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that “A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation.” Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, Hi Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school. On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wide of a construction worker. She answered, You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you!

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It is like a broken egg – cannot be reversed.

loved

.Thursday, October 05, 2006 ' 4:15 PM Y

HW msned me yesterday thanking me for that sky dining info. He is surprising Biwei!! OH MY GOD. He even went to the extend to check out that Star Virgo was arriving that night and the view would be even nicer! Lucky Biwei… *envies* But of cuz Bro HW is even luckier to have BW. ok la, I get a consolation present for that plus an Indonesian Dinner. HW always seems to know where dinner places should be.

CONVERSATION WITH HW
HW : so sis, is dinner confirmed?
Suz : Of cuz!
HW : Great, Lets go for Indonesian Food @ Killeny Road.
Suz : Sounds real good, lets go for it.

Come to think of it, whenever I meet HW up for dinner he would come up with such good eating places which I just find no reason to suggest another place. Our conversations to decide where to have for dinner is usually very short. Its good I mean. He will go do review on that eatery and even recommend me what is nice on the menu. Lucky Sis, Me Me me!

USUAL CONVERSATION
Guy : Lets meet for dinner today.
Girl : ok, Sounds good
Guy : What would you like to eat?
Girl : Anything lor. Up to you
Guy : Ok, Lets have chicken rice.
Girl : Eee, Dunwan, so oily
Guy : you said Anything wad. Then wad would you like to have?
Girl : Anything…..
Guy : *faintz*

How many guys actually take the effort to do that? Im not saying that Girls you can take the laid back seat and always expect the Guys to do the thinking. IF you are as lucky as Biwei then I rest my case but in normal cases, Girls can actually take the thinking spot for a change. Surprise your guy or date by telling them, Hey, I wanna bring you to this nice place for dinner, it serves blah blah blah food and I think you should try it. I think any guys would appreciate that coming from a lady. It really doesnt always need to be some fanciful restaurants, it can be those delicious hawker foods.

Makes me miss the CHAR KWAY TEOW in Smith Street. Any takers??!

loved

. ' 3:25 PM Y

Instructions: Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head. Don't read the questions before you write, and tag 5 people to do the survey.

1. Cindy
2. Weiling
3. Huimei
4. Justina
5. Candice
6. Sally
7. Yong Tze
8. Boon Seng
9. Nelson
10. Hee Wei
11. Pik Wei
12. Robin
13. Keith
14. Angela
15. Nick
16. Darren
17. Marvin
18. Benedict
19. Brian
20. Bryan

Questions:

1. How did you meet number 14? (Angela)
Met her at a Driving School. Was having theory lesson and she sat beside me.

2. What would you do if you had never met Number 1? (Cindy)
I would never have understood the term "Best Friend"

3. What would you do if 20 and 9 dated? (Bryan and Nelson)
What a weird Combo. We get Brokeback Mountain Part II. IMPOSSIBLE!

4. Would 6 and 17 make a good couple? (Sally and Marvin)
NOPE! Marvin has a sweetheart le...

5. Describe No. 3. (Huimei)
Unbelievable level of energy for someone so small sized.

6. Do you think no.8 is attractive? (Boon Seng)
I wont use the word attractive on a HIM!

7. Tell me something about No.7 (Yong Tze)
Probably waiting for someone special??

8. Do you know anything about no.12's family? (Robin)
Mr and Mrs Tan. Younger bro, Kelvin Tan living in Jurong.

9. What is no. 18's favorite...? (Benedict)
Girls, Girls and more Girls! No la, actually he has only one girl in his heart.... keke

10.What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you? (Pik Wei )
She always confess that to me, I know for sure its a fact.. *gosh* Im so thick skinned

11. What language does 15 speak? ( Nick )
English, Chinese erm...

12. Who is no.9 going out with? (Nelson)
erm... dunno le.. no one ba

13. How old is 16 now? (Darren)
27

14. When was the last time you talked to 13? (Keith)
Juz yesterday when we msned!

15. Who's 2's favorite singer? (Weiling)
erm.. Shun Zi ah?

16. Would you date number 4? (Justina)
I ALWAYS date her!

17. Would you date 7? (Yong Tze)
Date my clubbing kaki? Are dates needed?

18. Is 15 single? (Nick)
Yes. Rite?

19. What's 10's last name? (HeeWei)
Lee Heewei, ADAM!

20. Would you ever consider being in a relationship with 19? (Brian)
no ba..

21. What school does/did 3 go to? (Huimei)
Springfield Sec, Sp, FTC

22. Where does 6 live? (Sally)
Serangoon

23. What's your favorite thing about number 5? (Candice)
Her Frankness.

24. I tag..everyone who reads this!

loved

.Wednesday, October 04, 2006 ' 3:58 PM Y

Y are there so many good shows airing??? Where to find time to watch all of it??
Im still owe a R21 movie date to someone… keke… I hope this show will be even much hotter than The Intimate. And Pls Hor.. i DUN watch it at Yangtze! I haven even been there before and dun wanna go there either…. Lol.. I can still remember people who watch such shows are either couples or Individual Men. Justina and me are like the only 2 gals who went together, do you think pple will misunderstand us both? Huh darlz? Do you think so?
Starting my Korean Drama Craze again. Remember those days when I will cry non stop in front of the TV set and going to work the next day with puffy eyes. Using up the whole box of tissue was so common. Haha. I know it sounds silly but then cannot blame me mah.. im a girl mah.. Now im chasing this drama serial called My Girl. I was luffing my heads off at a particular scene. Gotta watch it in order to comprehend with what I said. Anyway, that aside, the laughter always come first followed by the teary parts… Im prepared!!!!!! Come to me!!
Planning to bake this weekend but of cuz after I finish cleaning up my home. Gotta wipe the windows this time. I remember there were 2 pple who screamed at me knowing how I get my windows cleaned. I practically step out of my living room and dangle outside from the 11th floor. Actually its not that unsafe cuz there is a safety platform just in case I fall off. I dont clean who will clean wor…They used to tell me, when I want to clean windows call them and they will do it for me. But at last what they did? All disappear … *shake head* think depend on myself better…

loved

.Tuesday, October 03, 2006 ' 2:59 PM Y

I wanna thank 2 people whom give me 2 surprises yesterday evening.
You came down to accompany me to sch, knowing that you may end up late for your dinner. I know y you came down instead of waiting to go for your dinner. Despite my continuous plea to ask you not to wait, you still waited. Thanks a lot. That Marigold Mango Drink is sure filler and a stopper for us from going into Daiso. Wakkaka.

Thank you for coming down to accompany me home last night. Knowing that I needed someone to talk to on my lonely journey back, you came down with just one motive, to cheer me up. It is really nice to have someone to send me home and thanks for reminding about the molester case in Tampines lor… Thou you told me that you happened to be around my sch area but my sixth sense tell me otherwise. However, I still appreciate the way you try to hide the real truth so that I would not get paranoid over it. Thanks for being understanding that y I did not want to stay out so late and yet still insisting that you want to see that im home safely. Im really touched I must have reli made you worried again huh….Thou I was not really in a talkative mood, you just told me that you will do the talking so I need not worry about the talking.

It is a Dull and Down Monday Night but thanks for making it right. God seems to know when to beam angels down for me. Im so glad for friends whom are still willing to stand by myself, making me happy instead of pin pointing on my mistakes. You are right, there is no one to blame except myself. I chose this path myself. Im unwilling to open up because of some reasons which I myself find it hard to explain. If I cant find the answer myself, there is really no one to help except myself. It is not that I dun wanna help myself but I just dunno how to…I dont wanna grab onto a bar which looks new but yet rusty inside… I will never know…. Things come fast, go fast too. Who really accepts the real me, for who I really am? You may like what u see now but u may hate whom u see in future, do you think im willing to take that risk once again? I will, but how can I be convinced?

I have been asking myself too y is it so hard to believe again? Y Y Y? Y cant I trust completely again? Y Y Y? Y is it that wadeva things I do, I will be wrong somewhere? Y Y Y? Probably I will only find my answer when I feel lost without you. Probably I will only find my answer if I can no longer be strong without you. Probably I will only find my answer when I realize that you mean more than anyone to me..but where are you?? How come I still cant feel that kind of impact? Who will cry with me? Who will just hold me close when im down? Do you know it when im down? What to do when im lost?

All I know now, I cant do without my friends whom has shown so much support and love to me. Despite all my whining you all have constantly encouraged me. Special thanks to Justina, Angela, HW, Peng, Mei & Ling whom has given me so much more than I expected. Deep from my heart, I wanna give all of u big big hugs & kisses….

loved

.Monday, October 02, 2006 ' 2:35 PM Y

..It was a weekend of Ups and Downs for me. However, this weekend was an exceptionally long one for me. Y would I say that, it is because my weekened started since Thursday.
A friend whom I haven seen for almost 1 year asked if I was interested to go chilling. I was like, hrmz… ok sounds good to me. We had a hard time deciding where to go, but at last, Bar None was still the ultimate choice. Juz simply love the resident band there. I finally got my very own glass of lychee martini plus 2 glasses of Kahlua Milk. It was supposed to be a short event, ended up we stayed till ard 1am cuz the music was simply too addictive.

Up – It was literally UP and above. Beyond words....

Before this, Justina Darl did smtg which I was reli reli touched, I dint have lunch becuz i was waiting for an urgent phone call. She got me this huge Tuna Sandwich and it tasted really good cuz i was FAMISHED!! Thanks Darl!

Also went for Mei’s Surprise BBQ. There are sooo many celebrations in the month of October. Birthdays, Weddings… Pheww… im glad its all happy occasions but its going to burn a huge hole in my little pocket. However, it is for a good cause so its worth it.

Down – Sighh… only a few pple knew what happened and y I had to return to JB over the weekend. However, im glad that things are stabilized now or else all my weekend plans would have been ruined.
I got into a disagreement with a friend. Y do I feel tat im so misunderstood at times. I tot that you were one of the few who understood me the most. Im wrong.. so wrong… Now that I realized that you dont understand me a single bit at all. I realized that we are like strangers at a cross junction, not knowing the real self. Stop reprimanding me, will you?! I have apologized what else you want me to do? You keep asking me to do the impossible and you jolly well know that. If you tried to say it to me in a nicer way, probably I would feel it and see it in your way. Sometimes I really get confused by your actions, what do you regard me as? If you really think that im not worth your friendship and that I keep taking it for granted, then stop everything you are doing. Y do you say one thing and do another? You think its fair to me? You think I dont want to lead a stable life? You think im ruining myself? Y judge me based on what I do instead of asking y I do such things?
This was what he wrote to me ,You are doing it of cos you wont feel it. If you dun cherish me even as a friend den tell me. You treat your other friends better lor... talking to me is like a chore. Ask you something reply 2 words. That is why you always feel interrogated by me cos there is no 2 way communication. Always im the one asking. Think you dun even care about my life and death. Ask you got problem tell me.. Den give me attitude. Say tell me also no use. Is this they way you respect people? Or only to me den like that? You go meditate and straighten out your thoughts, You are in a mess now!

Is there really no one out there whom is willing to sacrifice time and understand the real me? You think I dun want to have a smooth sailing life? You think I wont want to have someone that I can depend on? Am i really in a mess? Someone who can always be there when needed. Just being there with strong shoulders for me to lean on. Going in with me to JB to have a simple meal with my family members. There is really no one out there who is willing to give up such time anymore. U think being lonely is nice?! Who r u to scold me? WHO ARE U TO SCOLD ME?!!!!! I do not deserve such treatment from you either… I did not do anything wrong to you too. All I am is hoping that people around me are happy but yet it is impossible to please everyone. But who will take the role of me and make me happy?? It is really really very hard

for me, to be away from home, to handle work, studies, social , everything! Im trying so hard to fight for my own survival in this world. Using only a wooden plank as my life support and now you want to take this wooden plank away from me. I wont expect you to understand my situation for everybody has their own problems to handle. So that y im trying to swallow back every single problems I have in turn to help others. Pls dont just see the surface of me, im actually trapped inside.

If you reli turn back and look at me, just for one glance, all I ask for is just more understanding and if possible dont question my wrong doings….

*tears*

loved